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Things Straight Men (or Women) should Never Say to A Gay Man

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An in-depth look from fashion insider's point of view and her numerous daily adventures and misadventures.

Things Straight Men (or Women) should Never Say to A Gay Man

Carla

I asked my gay talent agent, Anton, and his friends to school me in 21st century etiquettes when it comes to communicating with our gay peers- especially in the advent of legalization of  gay marriages in the US ..

We probably asked these questions to our gay friends or heard people asking it out of sheer curiousity or just to be pr*cks. If you're like me, with self-diagnosed Tourettes Syndrome, or just plain clueless-perhaps this post can help.

by Anton Job

Edited by Carla Sta Cruz

1) "Who's the top or the bottom? Who's the man in the relationship?"

"This is a shocker. We both are. I get this question a lot since people still get surprised that I'm gay or I'm just politically gay- I volunteer for a lot of organizations that help gay teens. Sexual roles are not black and white to us, we also like to be versatile. According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior in the Scientific American (2010),  40.5% gay men like to be in some degree the 'top' and a 'bottom'.  Also, many of us don't want to feel trapped inside the binary construct of being either this or thatSome people just don't like talking about the things they do in the bedroom, maybe most of us feel the same way too.

2. “Don’t you know the Bible condemns your lifestyle?” or " I'll pray for you (or your soul)"

I am not possessed. My Head is not rotating 360 degrees. Please educate yourself, if you choose not to be informed, do me a favor and never open your mouth again. (frozen smiley face.)

3) "It must be nice to hook up with anyone-anytime you want."

For some of us. In a study conducted by AIDS care in 2010, about half the of the 566 gay couples in the Bay Area are or have been in nonmonogamous arrangements. But this does not apply to all gay men in all age groups. A study conducted by Northwestern University says that majority of young gay men, intend to have exclusive relationships. We are also capable of having boring lives watching Netflix during date nights.

Banshee Job

4) How do you know that you don't like women if you've never dated one? 

Some straight men see gayness as a rejection of what they consider to be the norm according to sociologist, Peter Robinson, Ph.D. In his book, Gay Men's Relationship Across the Life Course, he said, "many gay men I've interviewed have had no sexual experience with women and are content with that." It's a consistent double standard to prove our sexuality to those who don't understand it.  Just think, if you've never slept with a man (or a woman if you're a straight woman), how can you be absolutely sure that you're straight?

Jamal Lyon, the middle son of the Lyon family, a talented, gay singer-songwriter. Michael is Jamal's ex-boyfriend. Tiana engages in a relationship with woman early in the first season. 

Jamal Lyon, the middle son of the Lyon family, a talented, gay singer-songwriter. Michael is Jamal's ex-boyfriend. Tiana engages in a relationship with woman early in the first season. 

5) Wait, if you're (fill in the blank), how can you be gay?

Pick of an unlikely affiliation- Mormon, Christian, Muslim or complete slob- and there will always be a gay man that will make you rethink of your assumptions. Sexual orientation is one thing that binds us. There are countless attributes that differentiates us, distinguishes us- with different cultural connections to our race, ethnicity, politics and faith, and education-that ensure that we are better or no worse than when it comes to having our own opinions. Okay, we're homosexual, but our interests are as hetero as the next guy's.